Self Confidence means a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. It can be described as a belief in one’s self and one’s ability to succeed. This belief spans from a good assessment of oneself, in terms of values, temperaments, abilities, gifts, talents, likes, and dislikes. As a result, good self-esteem evolves.
Interestingly, many people have not been able to stabilise on this mode, struggling between over-assessment and under-assessment of themselves. A self-confident person is neither proud nor feels inferior. It evolves from many factors which eventually boosts relationships. Also, a confident person is not easily defeated: doesn’t quit easily.
When your confidence level is high, it enhances your impact level too. Let’s discuss further on what I call A-B-C-D of Impact: they help to build your self- confidence:
Self acceptance is paramount to the building of your esteem and confidence. You owe yourself your happiness, and fulfilment. Self acceptance helps you to achieve that. As much as any other person deserves your love, you yourself deserve your self-love and acceptance. Don’t ever put yourself down in a bid to be loved and accepted by others.
Each person has an identity, and it refers to the stable, defining characteristics of a person that makes him/her an individual. Having a solid sense of identity requires a thorough understanding and acceptance of oneself, including one’s own traits, preferences, thought patterns, looks, gifts, strengths and weaknesses.
You must be happy with who you are first of all before you can build other relationships. Your Identity is the combination of your temperament, statute, taste, likes, dislikes, talents and values etc and define your personality. You must come to terms with them otherwise, there will be identity crisis.
Self acceptance helps to develop your worth. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. When you accept yourself, the whole world will accept you; if you don’t treat yourself well, because of self-rejection, nobody will treat you better. You show to others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. Accept yourself the way you are now, with your strengths, frailties, worthiness and inadequacies.
Don’t wait for anybody to validate you: it is your responsibility.
You have to be yourself; because everyone else is already taken. To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Bernard M. Maruch says,
“Be who you are and free to express yourself, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”.
Friedrich Nietzsche also reiterates,
“an individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”.
How often do you wake up in the morning with one idea in mind for what you want to accomplish, only to find yourself doing something else because of pressures or personal anxieties? Have you wondered how many times you have intended to express your feelings sincerely only to find yourself holding back or saying something else because of the sight of certain people around you.
Are you working the job of your dreams, or the job of someone else’s dreams?
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them”,
Maya Angelou pointed out.
You know what? If you continue in this manner, your self esteem is gradually eroding and your self-confidence is dampening.
“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.”
Judy Garland encourages. Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people. Be yourself.
To build your confidence, you must learn to daily celebrate yourself. Life is a gift and a privilege; you must appreciate it and live your life maximally. Your life is your message to the world, you must make sure it’s inspiring. Living life on the edge and not at the centre puts you in a prison.
Do you know that how you make others feel speaks volume about how you treat yourself? So, you have to be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too. If you love yourself, and live your life, life will love you back. Why are you struggling to fit in to the status quo when you were born to stand out.
You are unique, priceless and peculiar. Greatness is locked up inside of you, you need to acknowledge that each day.
Love and admire yourself enough to encourage yourself when faced with challenges. Failure is an event not an entity. Don’t be too harsh on yourself that you refuse to celebrate your small wins.
Always remember to be good to yourself by taking care of yourself. Make yourself a priority and know that it’s okay. Don’t feel guilty for loving yourself, first! You’re just as important as anybody else.
“The most beautiful things are not associated with money, they are moments and memories, if you don’t celebrate those, they can pass you by” -Alek Wek
A confident person is powerful, positively driven and not pitiful. A negative attitude makes you mean, not confident. Celebrate yourself and stay positive.
DISCOVER AND DEVELOP YOURSELF
The discovery of yourself, your essence is the greatest discovery you will ever make in your lifetime. You were born with the ability to change someone’s life, don’t ever waste it. The more you discover, develop and deploy yourself, the more confident you become. Self-confidence is not developed overnight, it is discovered overtime.
Discovering and knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom. The greatest journey of your life is the journey you take inside of you.
You need to find yourself again and again. Some people get lost for so long that they forget what it was like to be themselves. You just have to discover yourself otherwise, you will depend on other people’s opinions who don’t even know themselves.
There is something more dangerous than the death of one’s body. It is “the undiscovered self”; being alive without knowing why.
In order to DEVELOP yourself, learn to face your fears, exercise your willpower to change direction, admit your mistakes and refine your goals. Mistakes help you to make new discoveries. You develop yourself when you don’t stop learning. When you commit to learning something new every day and do things differently. That’s waking up your creativity.
As you develop physically, you also need to develop yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally and socially to boost your self-confidence.
How do you identity your development needs?
1. Identify your development needs
2. Identify what skills, knowledge and behaviours are ‘required’ for you to do your job well.
3. Look at the skills, knowledge and behaviours you actually have now.
4. Compare ‘actual’ with ‘required’ to identify the gaps. These are your development needs.
When you have faith in yourself, you will find it easy to express yourself. Once you’re comfortable with your personality, you will express yourself better, as a result, boost your self-confidence.
When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite the rejection or disapproval of others. Confidence is knowing who you are and not changing it because of someone’s version of reality which is not your reality.
You must learn to enjoy every bit of your life no matter what happens. When you love yourself for who you are, and if you are happy from within, you are the most beautiful person, and your smile is your best asset.
It is important to become comfortable with your emotions as not a black and white type of scenario. This will allow you to let your emotions guide you in knowing when it is time to speak up, or when it is appropriate to express your emotions privately and move on. There are times you express yourself in writing, and other times creatively.
Most people haven’t been shown healthy examples of how to express emotions, and these basic emotional tools have been absent from our lives. Expressing emotions is an essential part of living an emotionally healthy life, setting boundaries in your relationships, feeling validated and getting your emotional needs met.
Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learn. Stay positive and be happy.